I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

My progress reminded me of the horses in The Whip. They raced at the limit of their speed directly toward the audience. But they raced on a treadmill which canceled out their progress.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.

Don't think this has taught me a lesson !