They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

I have three phobias ...: I hate going to bed, get up and hate hate being alone.

A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.

In my lifetime I've been to bed with men, women, and odd pieces of furniture.

There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare and I think you'd better put Shakespeare first, darling.

[To the critic who wrote a negative review:] I am sitting in the smallest room of the house. Your review is before me. Soon it will be behind me.

If I were well behaved, I'd die of boredom.