I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.

Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.

If I were well behaved, I'd die of boredom.

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

My progress reminded me of the horses in The Whip. They raced at the limit of their speed directly toward the audience. But they raced on a treadmill which canceled out their progress.

I've been called many things, but never an intellectual.