I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

I detest acting because it is sheer drudgery.

I've had a man and I've had a woman, and there's got to be something better.

For acting, darlings, is the world's most perilous trade. Compared with actors, steeple jacks and deep-sea divers lead snug and placid lives.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.