Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

Drink reacts on its practitioners in conflicting ways. One brave can knock off a quart of Scotch and look and act as sober as Herbert Hoover. Another, after three Martinis, makes two-cushion carroms off the chaise lounge as he attempts to negotiate the bathroom.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.

Acting is a form of confession.

[To the critic who wrote a negative review:] I am sitting in the smallest room of the house. Your review is before me. Soon it will be behind me.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.