Trying to find my flaws is like trying to find a black person at one of our concerts

Every move you make has already been done, and taken the piss out of.

At home I've got a very puerile, juvenile sense of humour.

I actually saw the loch ness monster when I was 9. She was big as a house. Want to know who the loch ness monster is? It's your obese mother. Burn mother****er

I'll regularly just burst out into laughter at funerals, at the expense of the dead. What's the difference between a dead person and Thom Yorke? One is talented and the other is dead. **** you grandma

I tied a bunch of balloons to a beach chair and tried to float up to heaven. *begins to weep* There's no heaven, and birds tried to kill me! *shrivels up*

I am the greatest thing to happen to black music.