I was abducted by aliens as a boy. Aliens is the name of a pedophile who lived in my alley.

It annoys me how pretty my voice is...that sounds incredibly immodest, but it annoys me how polite it can sound when perhaps what I'm singing is deeply acidic.

I bought a blimp just so I could get a bunch of wankers excited over nothing, what did you do with your weekend?

The joke is that U2's new record only looked like a virus. Enjoy mining bitcoins for me losers.

I'd go onstage doing this thing, trying to fill this arena that I can't fill because I don't understand what this is. It's like you're given a job that's beyond you. And it's taken me years to realize what works in those big situations.

The problem is, I cannot meditate. That's the one thing I can't do. That's the thing that's driving me nuts. I have a house by the sea, and I can sit and listen to the sound of the sea and eventually... but I can't really do it.

I actually saw the loch ness monster when I was 9. She was big as a house. Want to know who the loch ness monster is? It's your obese mother. Burn mother****er