I actually saw the loch ness monster when I was 9. She was big as a house. Want to know who the loch ness monster is? It's your obese mother. Burn mother****er

Like a fat raccoon rummaging through the garbage, that how I eat. Like a f-king fat raccoon.

In an interstellar burst, I am back to save the universe. In a deep deep sleep of the innocent, I am born again. In a fast German car, I'm amazed that I survived, An airbag saved my life...

I sometimes have birthday parties for the kids in my neighborhood and then pretend to suggest that I am going to molest them to the parents. It's a hilarious prank even though I am not a paedophile.

There's nothing more boring than a rock'n'roll star. Someone who has been on the road for 10 years, expecting attention wherever he goes, drinking himself stupid, who is obnoxious, incoherent, uncreative, and has a massive ego. There's nothing more pointless.

Someone needs to tell the truth, but it shouldn't be my job.

People sometimes say we take things too seriously, but it's the only way you'll get anywhere.