I actually saw the loch ness monster when I was 9. She was big as a house. Want to know who the loch ness monster is? It's your obese mother. Burn mother****er

It annoys me how pretty my voice is...that sounds incredibly immodest, but it annoys me how polite it can sound when perhaps what I'm singing is deeply acidic.

I know I'm 38 but I insist that santa claus exists and he raped my mother when I was 9.

I'm glad I escaped the clutches of those evil gnomes... I'm talking, of course, about Puerto Ricans.

All of our saddest songs have somewhere in them at least a glimmer of resolve - Street Spirit has no resolve. It is the dark tunnel without the light at the end.

Occasionally I'll just pull out a rifle and shoot one of my audience members. So far there have been no complaints filed.

Someone once asked me how the universe was created, I told him it all began with Pablo Honey