I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

2+2=5 wasn't intentional. I thought you carry a 1 every time there are two 2's in an equation. I'm not stupid, the mathematicians is stupid

If I could be any animal I would be a pony because then I could have sex with ponies.

You think I have the responsibilty... I have the responsibility to give the fans a good time!

Nobody wins the superbowl, I win the superbowl. I am the superbowl.

I don't even have children, it's just been an excuse to play jenga and hit softballs in my backyard with a box of laundry detergant wearing baby clothes.

People are born with certain faces, like my father was born with a face that people want to hit.