As you'll never hear the thing again, my boy, why not throw in a couple of brass bands?

I prefer Offenbach to Bach often.

We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again.

The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm.

The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me.

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished as when you started

The function of music is to release us from the tyranny of conscious thought.