In the first movement alone, I took note of six pregnancies and at least four miscarriages.

Beethoven's last quartets were written by a deaf man and should only be listened to by a deaf man.

Composers and musicians have always starved and, as this is a sentimental country, we think the tradition should be continued.

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.

Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm.