When I was going to school in, like, '84 to '88, you didn't have cell phones. There was no e-mail, if you can wrap your brain around that.

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.

‘How do you juggle it all?’ people constantly ask me, with an accusatory look in their eyes. ‘You’re screwing it all up, aren’t you?’ their eyes say. My standard answer is that I have the same struggle as any working parent but with the good fortune to be working at my dream job. Or sometimes I just hand them a juicy red apple I’ve poisoned in my working-mother witch cauldron and fly away.

...nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.

I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, 'Yeah, I'm not cool enough for the West Village.'

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math.