No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.

Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions... Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.

At some point, you realize that people might be laughing at your jokes because they're afraid not to laugh.

I'm married, you know. I love my husband and I have a child.