No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.

We're gonna promote freedom. Usher in democratic values and ideals. And fight terror-loving terrorists.

When I first set out to ruin SNL, I didn't think anyone would notice, but I persevered because - like you trying to do a nine-piece jigsaw puzzle - it was a labour of love.

We are a society that constantly celebrates no one but women and it must stop! I want to hear what the men of the world have been up to. What fun new guns have they invented? What are they raping these days? What’s Michael Bay’s next film going to be?

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.

I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. “No way!” Was I sexually active? “Nope!” Had I ever been molested? “Well,” I said, trying to make a joke, “Oprah says the only answers to that question are ‘Yes’ and ‘I don’t remember.’ ” I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed.