You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your mom every night for a dollar.

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Don't be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable. For sketch writers, remember they're called sketches for a reason. They're not called oil paintings. Some of them are going to stink. You have to let them stink.

I don't weigh myself. I just go by if my clothes fit. I try not to participate too much in the incredible amount of wasted energy that women have around dealing with food. I just feel like being healthy is sort of a job requirement to be on TV, and being a writer is so much coping with fatigue and stress, and you just eat. You eat to stay awake.

We writers dream of a future where actors are mostly computer generated and their performances can be adjusted, by us, on a laptop, alone.

You don't just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at 'SNL' is writing to go after someone.