You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your mom every night for a dollar.

When hiring, mix Harvard Nerds with Chicago Improvisers and stir.

In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone "come out" to you is the "pretending to be surprised" part.

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

Whenever you see me, I'm on antique quaaludes.

If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly. (Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)

The upsides of acting in things is mostly getting your hair done and having people give you clothes. So as long as you can have a little bit of that in your life, then it's just as delightful to be behind camera.