I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.

I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that.

People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people.

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself

I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up.

I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.