Telling lies is a bit like tiling bathrooms - if you don't know how to do it properly, it's best not to try.

Among the gods, there is a dispute as to which one of them originally thought of Christianity; or, as they call it, the Great Leg Pull. Apollo has the best claim, but a sizeable minority support Pluto, ex-God of the Dead, on the grounds that he has a really sick sense of humour. How would it be, suggested the unidentified god, if first we tell them all to love their neighbour, pack in the killing and thieving, and be nice to each other. Then we let them start burning heretics.

New technology is useful, but it's inefficient and ugly; it knows it'll be obsolete by lunchtime tomorrow, so it has no incentive to be anything else

Luck, like a Russian car, generally only works if you push it.

I don't read the Sunday papers; or the dailies, either

The best definition of an immortal is someone who hasn't died yet.

Everything is out there if you know how to find it, and have the patience. I don't and haven't, but that's my problem