The people who came to hear me perform or to buy my records were not the type who would be offended [by the song 'The Vatican Rag']. But I gather that there were other people who were offended.

Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.

The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.

Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now - to quote myself at my most pretentious - is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.

Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.