Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!

Comedy is very important. For one thing, it keeps you sane. But it's not really a conversion. I mean, it's marginally a conversion, because if people tune in or go to a nightclub or even watch television, and hear that a lot of other people are laughing at something you thought was not funny, at least it'll force you to reconsider.

Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then

If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.

The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.