People are stupider than anybody.

I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.

And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.

As for language, almost everything goes now. That is not to say that verbal taboos have disappeared, but merely that they have shifted somewhat. In my youth, for example, there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can say them, but you can't say 'girl'.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.