Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.

The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.

I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.

Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.

Irreverence is easy - whats hard is wit.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.