People bring camera phones into comedy shows and clubs and concerts, and sound bites never come out right.

I don't really take the college tours and all that. Those are young people and I'm quite sure they're mature enough to understand, but they haven't seen or lived real life yet.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

I deal with my sons like young men. If they have a problem with something, they come to me. I am the type of dad that will drop everything I am doing for them, and always tell them to talk to me about it.

My sense of humor was a tool for me getting past my mother and father separating, my older brother having cerebral palsy, and the bullies in the schoolyard. I had to make them laugh to keep them off my ass. I brought that to my professional career.

I'm not a hateful person and don't condone any kind of violence against others.