I don't really take the college tours and all that. Those are young people and I'm quite sure they're mature enough to understand, but they haven't seen or lived real life yet.

Bones heal, but the loss of my friend will never heal.

I'm old, and so busy with work, that I like to just stay home and get my sleep now. I try not to burn both ends of the candle.

I'm not focused on the outrageousness. I'm just focused on being funny, and raising my kids. I don't even read the newspaper, I don't read that crap.

Stand-up is really personal. It's not like somebody else is writing the script and you have to do what they write.

Live every week like it's shark week.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.