Probably the best explanation for my success and other Internet writers, is that we're tapping a genre or a niche out there that needs to be filled and isn't.

The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".

You can't do anything yourself on TV... unless you have a LOT of money, but you can do an independent movie.

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

I was stupid when I was 17 or 18. My thought process was that I thought that I was legitimately a hyper-genius, and so I wanted to go to the hardest academic school I could to see if I was really as smart as I thought I was.

I hated being a lawyer and I wanted to like myself and like my job.