Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.

The vast majority of all consequences, especially in 21st century America, are completely meaningless bullshit.

Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.

I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That's the only way you can be genuinely happy.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.