Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.

If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.

The dumbest women I hooked up with were in Florida. I lived in Florida for a year... and it was just shocking. I literally felt like after living there for a couple months that I had become stupider. It was unbelievable. If you read the stories on my site that are based around crazy women, about 75 percent of those women were in Florida… and I only lived there for a year.

Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.

At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.