I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.

As a general rule, whenever guys have problems approaching girls, it's because they're afraid of rejection or they're afraid of something specific. The way that you get over a fear like that is you figure out what the worst is that can happen.

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

You know that look a cop gives you when he's so confused that he doesn't even know how to respond? If you don't know that look, it means you haven't had enough fun in your life.

I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.