If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.

To get hwat you want out of life, all you really need to do is be honest about it, don't be afraid to go for it, and have fun while you do it -- and you'll eventually get it.

Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.

Before I was famous, I already was the person that attracted and dealt with a lot of weirdos.

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.