If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.

And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is—I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.

Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want

It [eBook] is like introducing the machine gun to a revolutionary war. It changes everything. If you can reach your fans directly without having to go through a middle man, the entire economics of the publishing business changes.

Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.

I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.