Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.

I'm never going to be Tolstoy.

I started writing because it was about making my friends laugh, and when you're talking to your friends, you can't bullshit.

I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.