You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

A lot of people think that since I'm drunk in my stories, I must be drunk 24 hours a day. What kind of stupid logic is that? It'd be like if you saw Michael Jordan at a restaurant and were like, "Why aren't you in your basketball uniform?" I leave out way more than I put in.

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.

Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.

No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.

Probably the best explanation for my success and other Internet writers, is that we're tapping a genre or a niche out there that needs to be filled and isn't.