You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

My buddies and I, we all went to law school together, and once we started working in different cities, we all did crazy stuff, and we'd write e-mails to each other about the stuff we would do. And my friends thought my e-mails were really funny and they said, "Dude, why don't you put this up on a Web site. You know people would love to read this."

The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".

I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.

If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.

Probably the best explanation for my success and other Internet writers, is that we're tapping a genre or a niche out there that needs to be filled and isn't.

The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.