Before I was famous, I already was the person that attracted and dealt with a lot of weirdos.

Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.

The dumbest women I hooked up with were in Florida. I lived in Florida for a year... and it was just shocking. I literally felt like after living there for a couple months that I had become stupider. It was unbelievable. If you read the stories on my site that are based around crazy women, about 75 percent of those women were in Florida… and I only lived there for a year.

Fat girls aren’t real people.

You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.