The haters always scream the loudest.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.

You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

The only thing that someone could say about me that would hurt me would be something that's true that I don't want to be.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.