It is hard to deal with someone who smiles and pretends to like you to your face and sticks that eight inch blade in your back when you turn around.

'Tis sweet to kiss a girl on Spring's first day, but only half so sweet as 'tis to kiss a girl on her bootyhole.

The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus and a chair that's not obtained from Craigslist that keeps poking into his back.

True friendship is sitting together in silence and feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus.

Sometimes the poorest woman leaves her children the richest inheritance.

Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it's going to hurt.