I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.