I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.