I can do anything I want to do!

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.