I can do anything I want to do!

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.