How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people; and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.