It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.