It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.