Ain't fit for man nor beast

Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

I like children. If they're properly cooked.