Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
I drink therefore I am.
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.