I'm searching for loopholes.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.