The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.