This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.