Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.

It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.