California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!