In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.