It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.