Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.