A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
I never met a kid I liked.
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?