Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

I'm searching for loopholes.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine

Never give a sucker an even break.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.