Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.