Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.