Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.