Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.