Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!