Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.