Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.