Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.