Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

I like children - fried.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.