The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.